We all have that version of ourselves, or that time period in our life where we reflect on and realize how far we’ve came. It’s a feeling that strikes you by surprise. There’s a sudden disbelief of how fast time can go, but proof how good it can get. A swift connection to your younger self, a ghostly hug you needed in that late moment.
It’s that feeling that surfaces when things are going perfect. When life seems too good to be true. When your breath is slow, your shoulders free of tension and no troubles stir inside. When the sky’s are blue and the air is warm. That you remember you, on a cloudier day, laying under a tree, with pouring rain camouflaging your tears.
This summer brought me such moments of tranquility. A still mind
From coast to coast, it’s like the Earth opened up it’s arms from the East to the West, wrapped it’s loving arms around me and whispered to me signals of peace, reminders of love and reasons for gratitude.
It was my first summer experiencing the West coast in entirety. And my first summer being a mere visitor to the jersey shore. From crying under trees to now hugging them.
Oh how lovely time has changed.
A bittersweet feeling. Almost like this time of year.
I sit here on cool September day, feeling the dread of winter already weighing me down. My anxiety heightens. I’m reminded of starting school. Of starting new jobs. Of those comforting, early childhood days.
I still haven’t figured out why this is the most potent of nostalgic seasons. The transition between summer and fall.
It almost feels like heart break.
Going from driving down the PNW Coast, windows open, freshly tanned, sweat on the seats to gripping the steering wheel during weather, feeling frigid deep in your bones and ready for bed by 6pm.
But, I’m not here to dampen the mood.
I begin each of my Yoga classes as so:
‘Inhale, palms to touch overheard. Invite your intention forward.
Exhale, open armed release. Let go of all expectations and anything that doesn’t serve you.’
So here I exhale. I let go of my expectations for what’s to come. I let go of my past negative connotations regarding this change of season.
And I inhale. I bring forth trust. I trust the Universe, God, timing. I trust in others and I trust in myself. I fully surrender to the present moment.
This summer showed me how far I’ve come. Mentally and physically.
But i must remember, as much as we are one of the Earth, seasons don’t dictate who we are.
I can choose to feel warm, bright and sunny even on a cold, cloudy day.
And so that I will.
Namaste <3
(this has been sitting in my drafts for awhile now, collecting dust. I keep going back to it, changing words, adding punctuation. It hasn’t felt like the vision I expected it to be yet. It hasn’t been giving the feeling I intended it to. But as I just came back to it now, on a colder, rainier day it felt perfect.)
And here I take my own advice:
Exhale
and release all expectations
I love you xoxoxo
xoxo love you